she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
