Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
