So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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