names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
