i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
