You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Sober January is a disaster.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
