What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
