yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
