Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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