whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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