Will you blow on my dice?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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