If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
