I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
