Nicole vs. Life
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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