you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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