I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
