Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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