Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
True strength comes from lack of pants
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
