I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
