If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
