ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
