AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
