Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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