so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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