It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
