Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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