Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
