Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
