I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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