i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I am naked and annoyed.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
