Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
