you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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