if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Randomize
