he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
