Just fell off a train. Bad.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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