Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
