I showed him my bush... on skype.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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