so explain again why im purple
no
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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