i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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