did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
