i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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