did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
