I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
