Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
