Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
