I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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