Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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