Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
