Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
only if we run a train.
done.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
