So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
