brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
