Pants 0. Shit 1.
she woke up with a sticky ear
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
