worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
