I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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